"Right. Um. Okay, I'm sorry this took a little while, but. The first thing you need to know is your father is fine. Or, um, he will be? He almost wasn't, but he is now, so don't freak out. And I'm sorry I had to impersonate your mother. Okay, I'm not sorry I did that because it worked but still, I guess it's kind of weird. Sooooooo. Call me back if you have questions? Anyway. Bye!"