Barry Ween (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
badassprodigy) wrote2014-04-28 11:14 am
badassprodigy) wrote2014-04-28 11:14 am
Entry tags:
Somewhere in a small midwestern town...
E.F. "Fritz" Schumacher once said “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”
Fritz was right of course. After the last disaster happened (Which wasn't strictly Barry's fault. Jeremy shouldn't have been surfing porn on Barry's computer.) Barry knew he couldn't stay at home any more.
Which is why Barry was going to a new school.
The problem of course is telling his friends who had never read anything by E.F. "Fritz" Schumacher.
****
There was a long awkward pause and Barry felt his insides twisting a bit as Sara gave him a cold stare.
"Private school," she said in a cold and disapproving tone. "In the summer."
"Yeah," Barry said with a small awkward clearing of his throat. "It's just going to be better this way. I guess."
Sara's cold look had now turned into a scowl. "Better? How is this better?"
For a guy with a 350-plus IQ, Barry still couldn't figure out how to talk to this girl. It was pitiful really.
"Look! I don't really have a fucking choice, okay?" Barry said in an exasperated tone.
"I think you do. I think you always have," Sara countered. "For the last seven years I've always thought of you as a friend. Maybe something even more."
"Really?" Barry said, feeling his chest getting lighter and his hopes rising in his head. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
"But for some reason you always keep pushing me away," Sara continued and dashing Barry's hopes. "I'm giving you one more chance, Barry... What's the deal with you?"
Barry opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it again. The instinct to hide what he was was too ingrained. Even with Sara.
"Whatever, Barry."
Sara turned and walked away.
Barry turned towards his locker and started banging his head against it.
"Fuck me! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck-a-duck! Fuckity fuckerson FUCK!"
****
"It's because Sarah's dating Nelson, isn't it?" Jeremy said immediately. "Dude. He's got a dick the width of a pencil. It's not going to last!"
"It has nothing to do with, Nelson, you dumb-ass," Barry groaned. "Shut the fuck up."
"It's totally about Sara," Jeremy said with a smirk as he reached out to pick up one of Barry's electronic devices. "You're afraid she's all OH! OH! OH! OH NELSON! YOUR DICK IS SO TINY! FASTER!"
"You're an idiot," Barry said as he yanked his device back from Jeremy's hands before he inadvertantly launched an airstrike. "And don't touch that."
Jeremy sighed and flopped down on Barry's bed. "Dude, you can't go. It's going to be our senior year and we haven't even blown up the school yet."
"Like that's a good thing," Barry said with a roll of his eyes. "What difference does it make? I'm going to college in a year and you'll get into some community college before you kicked out for watching porn at the library."
"You can watch porn at the library?!"
Barry sighed. "Don't watch porn at the library. Just don't watch porn in fucking general, okay? Jesus, haven't you learned anyting? Besides Roxie will get pissed and then you'll have only your hand to keep you company."
Jeremy looked up at Barry and gave him the look. Barry couldn't help but turn away. It was a pitiful look that Jeremy used whenever he was about to say something meaningful.
"You're my best friend, Barry. I don't want you to go. We've been through all this crazy shit since we were kids. You're really just going to leave me here alone?"
Barry groaned. "Jesus-fucking-Christ. You make our friendship sound like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel. Is that what this is? Do you Loooooove me? C'mere. Give me a hug and kiss, Jeremy."
Jeremy scowled. "You're not funny, dude. Seriously. What's going to happen to us?"
Barry turned around and sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "We're always going to be friends, Jeremy. Nothing will change that. Okay?"
Jeremy nodded and hung his head a little. "Okay."
"And I've already done your homework for next year."
Jeremy let out a small chuckle and looked up at his friend.
"Now come over and give me a kiss! C'mon Jeremy, you know you want it. You want it baaaaaaaaad!"
Jeremy laughed and threw a pillow at Barry's head. Barry laughed and ducked which caused the pillow to fly past him and right into the chemical experiment he was working on.
"OH SHIT! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"
****
"So what's the real reason?" Roxie asked.
"Oh you guys seriously need to fuck off," Barry groaned. "Look it's just better this way, okay?"
"It's just better beacause why?" Roxie probed. "You can't honestly tell me it's because you think we'll be safer this way."
"Are you kidding?" Barry asked increduously. "Look at my house! Jeremy threw one pillow and half of it's gone!"
"That shit happens every day with you Barry and you don't even blink," Roxie said giving him a harsh penetrating look. "What the fuck happened?"
Barry said nothing and bit his lip.
"Oh, fuck me," Roxie groaned in disgust. "Let me guess. She died again and you had to go back in time to fix everything."
Damn it. Roxie was always the smarter one of his friends. Barry responded by trying to look at anything but Roxie. "Not exactly."
"How exactly?"
Barry frowned. "It was stupid. You guys were playing video games and I went off to get the door for the pizza. A fucking portal opened up and you guys were just gone. Like that. Nothing."
"Barry-"
"Five times. I had to jump back into my body FIVE times trying to get to a point where you guys just didn't just disintegrate into nothing."
"Barry-"
"I just can't do that any more to you guys. I can't. This place I'm going to? It's already fucked up. They can handle this shit. But if something happened here again-"
Suddenly Barry was being hugged. Unfortunately, Roxie once again forgot her Sasquatch strength. "Can't... Breathe..."
"Sorry," Roxie said letting go. "It's fine. Okay? I get it."
"Don't tell anyone," Barry cautioned.
"I know," Roxie said rolling her eyes. "God forbid you actually told Sara what's going on. Without zapping her memory."
"Don't start with that."
"She'd probably be dating you instead of Nelson."
"Seriously. Stop it."
"OH! OH! OH! OH NELSON! YOUR DICK IS SO TINY! FASTER!"
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! STOP!"
****
In the end and no matter how much Jeremy tried to bribe him with porn, Barry stuck with his decision and started packing his bags.
For a place called Fandom High...
Seriously? Fandom? Who the fuck comes up with a name like that?
[NFB. Because he isn't on the island and Tracy needs more work.]
Fritz was right of course. After the last disaster happened (Which wasn't strictly Barry's fault. Jeremy shouldn't have been surfing porn on Barry's computer.) Barry knew he couldn't stay at home any more.
Which is why Barry was going to a new school.
The problem of course is telling his friends who had never read anything by E.F. "Fritz" Schumacher.
****
There was a long awkward pause and Barry felt his insides twisting a bit as Sara gave him a cold stare.
"Private school," she said in a cold and disapproving tone. "In the summer."
"Yeah," Barry said with a small awkward clearing of his throat. "It's just going to be better this way. I guess."
Sara's cold look had now turned into a scowl. "Better? How is this better?"
For a guy with a 350-plus IQ, Barry still couldn't figure out how to talk to this girl. It was pitiful really.
"Look! I don't really have a fucking choice, okay?" Barry said in an exasperated tone.
"I think you do. I think you always have," Sara countered. "For the last seven years I've always thought of you as a friend. Maybe something even more."
"Really?" Barry said, feeling his chest getting lighter and his hopes rising in his head. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.
"But for some reason you always keep pushing me away," Sara continued and dashing Barry's hopes. "I'm giving you one more chance, Barry... What's the deal with you?"
Barry opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it again. The instinct to hide what he was was too ingrained. Even with Sara.
"Whatever, Barry."
Sara turned and walked away.
Barry turned towards his locker and started banging his head against it.
"Fuck me! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck-a-duck! Fuckity fuckerson FUCK!"
****
"It's because Sarah's dating Nelson, isn't it?" Jeremy said immediately. "Dude. He's got a dick the width of a pencil. It's not going to last!"
"It has nothing to do with, Nelson, you dumb-ass," Barry groaned. "Shut the fuck up."
"It's totally about Sara," Jeremy said with a smirk as he reached out to pick up one of Barry's electronic devices. "You're afraid she's all OH! OH! OH! OH NELSON! YOUR DICK IS SO TINY! FASTER!"
"You're an idiot," Barry said as he yanked his device back from Jeremy's hands before he inadvertantly launched an airstrike. "And don't touch that."
Jeremy sighed and flopped down on Barry's bed. "Dude, you can't go. It's going to be our senior year and we haven't even blown up the school yet."
"Like that's a good thing," Barry said with a roll of his eyes. "What difference does it make? I'm going to college in a year and you'll get into some community college before you kicked out for watching porn at the library."
"You can watch porn at the library?!"
Barry sighed. "Don't watch porn at the library. Just don't watch porn in fucking general, okay? Jesus, haven't you learned anyting? Besides Roxie will get pissed and then you'll have only your hand to keep you company."
Jeremy looked up at Barry and gave him the look. Barry couldn't help but turn away. It was a pitiful look that Jeremy used whenever he was about to say something meaningful.
"You're my best friend, Barry. I don't want you to go. We've been through all this crazy shit since we were kids. You're really just going to leave me here alone?"
Barry groaned. "Jesus-fucking-Christ. You make our friendship sound like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel. Is that what this is? Do you Loooooove me? C'mere. Give me a hug and kiss, Jeremy."
Jeremy scowled. "You're not funny, dude. Seriously. What's going to happen to us?"
Barry turned around and sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "We're always going to be friends, Jeremy. Nothing will change that. Okay?"
Jeremy nodded and hung his head a little. "Okay."
"And I've already done your homework for next year."
Jeremy let out a small chuckle and looked up at his friend.
"Now come over and give me a kiss! C'mon Jeremy, you know you want it. You want it baaaaaaaaad!"
Jeremy laughed and threw a pillow at Barry's head. Barry laughed and ducked which caused the pillow to fly past him and right into the chemical experiment he was working on.
"OH SHIT! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"
****
"So what's the real reason?" Roxie asked.
"Oh you guys seriously need to fuck off," Barry groaned. "Look it's just better this way, okay?"
"It's just better beacause why?" Roxie probed. "You can't honestly tell me it's because you think we'll be safer this way."
"Are you kidding?" Barry asked increduously. "Look at my house! Jeremy threw one pillow and half of it's gone!"
"That shit happens every day with you Barry and you don't even blink," Roxie said giving him a harsh penetrating look. "What the fuck happened?"
Barry said nothing and bit his lip.
"Oh, fuck me," Roxie groaned in disgust. "Let me guess. She died again and you had to go back in time to fix everything."
Damn it. Roxie was always the smarter one of his friends. Barry responded by trying to look at anything but Roxie. "Not exactly."
"How exactly?"
Barry frowned. "It was stupid. You guys were playing video games and I went off to get the door for the pizza. A fucking portal opened up and you guys were just gone. Like that. Nothing."
"Barry-"
"Five times. I had to jump back into my body FIVE times trying to get to a point where you guys just didn't just disintegrate into nothing."
"Barry-"
"I just can't do that any more to you guys. I can't. This place I'm going to? It's already fucked up. They can handle this shit. But if something happened here again-"
Suddenly Barry was being hugged. Unfortunately, Roxie once again forgot her Sasquatch strength. "Can't... Breathe..."
"Sorry," Roxie said letting go. "It's fine. Okay? I get it."
"Don't tell anyone," Barry cautioned.
"I know," Roxie said rolling her eyes. "God forbid you actually told Sara what's going on. Without zapping her memory."
"Don't start with that."
"She'd probably be dating you instead of Nelson."
"Seriously. Stop it."
"OH! OH! OH! OH NELSON! YOUR DICK IS SO TINY! FASTER!"
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! STOP!"
****
In the end and no matter how much Jeremy tried to bribe him with porn, Barry stuck with his decision and started packing his bags.
For a place called Fandom High...
Seriously? Fandom? Who the fuck comes up with a name like that?
[NFB. Because he isn't on the island and Tracy needs more work.]