A warehouse called George - Thursday

[badassprodigy]

After work, Barry had spent most of his time cleaning up the warehouse and establishing a portal back to his world. The portal actually only took a minute and the cleaning was actually pretty needless but nevertheless, Barry was in high gear in preparation for tonight.

Not that he was nervous or anything.

Nope. Not at all. Not one bit.

[For that one.]

Comments

[badassprodigy]

Barry's face immediately broke into a grin. "Fuck, yeah you will!"

And suddenly there were a lot of people walking on the set. And some woman was running with makeup brushes to poke Summer in the face. "We're starting early!" she exclaimed. "You'll sweat most of this off but at least I can get you ready for the walk."

And now people were shouting "Places on the set!" "Where's Ted?" "Hey what's that guy doing here, doesn't he work for another network?"

And then there were three people sitting at the judges table and Ted Allen was starting his monologue.

“Open the basket. Meet the challenge and impress the judges. When all three challenges are done there will be $10,000 dollars won. And three out of four chefs will be... chopped.”

Ted stood in front of the judges table as the cameras swung around him. “For this episode we have a special challenge for our chefs. We’re dealing with the tasty treat that everyone always has room for. Jello! You got to give anyone credit just for showing up here but in the end, only one chef is going home with the title of Chopped Champ. Let’s see if you can tell who it is going to be. First up from Tempe is Indra Scullery.

A tall woman with a nose piercing strutted out as a video montage appeared in above them. “I’m the executive chef and mixologist of Scuttlebutt in Tempe Arizona,” she said in a wooden voice as the montage showed her working on various drinks and dishes. “I’m a former drug addict out to prove that I can beat anything including drug addiction.”

Ted smiled cheerfully as Indra took her place. “Next we have Roger Duelman of Bangor Maine,” he said gesturing to the stocky but short man with short purple hair waddled out. “My name is Roger and I’m the executive chef and cuisine creator for Fishbowl from Bangor Maine. My parents never loved me or appreciated me so I came on the show to show everyone that I can prove to myself that I’m worthy of my parents’ love.”

“And after him we have Chip Dupree from Miami, Florida,” Ted said gesturing to a very tall and well built handsome man who strutted out from the hallway. “My name is Chip and I’m a former exotic dancer who had to quit when I took a strip pole to the knee. So now I cook which is totally my passion and not just a way for me to get by on my good looks.”

“And finally we have Summer Smith, a bartender of Caritas from Baltimore, Maryland.” What followed appeared to be a montage of film that Barry had captured through a secret camera at some point during his visit to T&C and Caritas.

(Yeah. He totally spliced together footage of Summer without her knowing. Sorry Summer!)

The footage showed Summer putting together her hummus jello shot for Barry as well as carefully edited photos of other shots Summer probably posted on Instagram. As the footage rolled Summer could hear her voice say: “I’m not just a bartender. I'm a fucking jello genius. It's really a whole process of mixing and blending and setting. But I try to keep in mind what people might want. I have come a long way since I picked up the job to really up my game for my own jello shop. I really bring a fresh perspective informed by a lot of vast experiences into my work, and that's the kind of innovation we need. I think it's safe to say that when people around think 'jello' and 'alcohol,' they think Summer. I'm definitely bringing some of the more creative drinks to the table and people do keep coming back for more.”

Time for you to walk down the hallway Summer!

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Ohmygod," said Summer, once everything was suddenly getting started and the montages were running, "this is so stupid, I love it."

But there was definitely going to be some major side-eyeing at Barry once it got to hers. Impressed and amused as hell, sure, but still! Soooo much well-deserved side-eye, there.

And then it was her turn to enter the kitchen arena, but there was something very sudden and important she needed to do first, and that was to sweep in and hit Barry with a swift kiss on the cheek.

"Wish me luck!" she said, but she turned to hurry toward the hallway before he could really say much of anything. She managed to temper her excited bounce into a more confident strut, but she was having a much more difficult time keeping the dumb grin off her face.

[badassprodigy]

And when the montage came up Barry was laughing his ass off at Summer's reaction. Enough that some of the staff told him to be quiet or he'd be kicked off the stage.

And when the kiss came? Barry was so not prepared for that. Enough that his brain shut down and his face went to a dopey stupid grin for at least five seconds before he could even respond. And wow did he turn red.

"Fuck! I mean.. yeah! Good luck!" he called out as Summer strutted down the hallway.

As the chefs went to their stations, Ted stepped up with a big smile. “Hello Chefs! Here how this works. There are three rounds. There are mandatory ingredients for each course. If your dish doesn’t cut it, you will be chopped. So before we begin, we have a theme for tonight’s episode which is Jello! That gelatinous treat we all like to eat. For each course we expect you to provide jello in one shape or form from the mystery ingredients. We have provided specific equipment from Neew industries which will allow you to cool your jello to the proper temperature so it can be coagulated. Are we ready? Let’s take a look. For the appetizer round we have…

Turkey bacon
Bourbon
Slim Jims
Blueberry Jello mix.

As all the chefs grimaced, Ted smiled. “Thirty minutes. And your time starts… Now!”

As the contestants started to work on their baskets, Ted smiled at the camera. “And now let’s meet our judges! First off we have the executive chef at New York’s Empire Diner, Amanda Freiteg.”

Amanda smiled and gave Ted a nod.

“Also out of New York City is chef and owner of the Lambs and the National, Geoffrey Zakarian.

Geoff smiled. “Hi Ted.”

“And finally we have our guest judge and a chef on a competing network so who knows how he ended up here, Top Chef Judge and restaurateur, Tom Colicchio.”

“Yeah, I have no idea what I’m doing here either,” Tom admitted with a laugh which made all the other judges laugh. “My agent just told me to get here and so here I am.”

Ted laughed because that’s what hosts do. “What do you think of the Jello challenge.

“Well, it’s an interesting ingredient and hopefully that technology they are using will really do what it says about the firming up of the jello in one minute,” Amanda said. “Because runny jello is an absolute no-no.”

“What do you think Tom?”

“Well, Jello is really just an underrated food, you know?” Tom said vamping because really who made gourmet Jello? “It used to be just like a 70’s thing but it’s really getting traction in the food community these days.”

“Absolutely,” Geoffrey agreed. “Honestly I think a well flavored aspic here is the key to these ingredients.”

Meanwhile back at the Chef's table...

[somethingwithturquoise]

Right. So. Summer had to take a moment to sort of get over the sheer absurdity of any of this, because it was really, really actually happening and she it was going to be super embarrassing to biff this. She took a breath, put on her game face, focused in on the basket, and thought for a second.

Got it. Okay. It was brilliant, actually, if she said so herself, but it was a risk to pull this out at the beginning. Still, if she flopped this, she wouldn't get a second chance, and this was sure to guarantee her a spot in the next round.

She wouldn't even to use the jello setter, not for this one, but she was going to need to pop a cup of oil into the blast chiller to get it cold as quickly as possible. She'd be cutting it close with time but it would be worth it, and Dr. Lecter would probably lose his shit with pride right now.

Cut up the Slim Jims, start rehydrating it with that bourbon.

The bacon wouldn't take long, she needed it good and soft, and use some more of the bourbon for a sort of glaze.

Get the jello started. Add some fucking balsamic...

And she needed to find some kind of dropper...aha! There. Perfect!

[badassprodigy]

Ted was all smiles as the contestants lined up on their marks “Okay chefs, you were given the following ingredients for the appetizer round:
Turkey bacon, Bourbon, Slim Jims and Blueberry Jello mix.

"Indra Scullery. What did you make for us?"

Indra did her best not to scowl as the judges began ate her dish. “I made a leafy green salad with pine nuts, bourbon glazed bacon and slim jims with a blueberry gelee”

The judges hmm-d and haw-d over the dish. “You do understand that the theme here is jello not gelee,” Tom pointed out as he finished his second bite of the salad.

Indra now scowled. “I ran out of time and the jello equipment didn’t give me a solid form so…”

Amanda gave her a sympathetic look. “I like the salad but again we were looking for jello.”

“Plus it lacked salt and really needed something acidic to cut through the sweetness of the gelee,” Zachary added.

Ted gave Indra a sympathetic nod before going to the next chef. “Roger Duelman. Tell us what you prepared for us.”

“Ah-yup. Today I made a turkey bacon and bourbon jam crostini with a slim jim and blueberry jello,” Roger said with the usual Northeastern nasal twang.

“Okay,” Tom said poking at the jello with his fork after a bite. “You know this jello is pretty inedible, right?”

Roger frowned. “Well-”

“Did you taste it?”

“No.”

All the judges nodded and continued to try to eat the food.

“Don’t get me wrong, the crostini is good but the blueberry jello and slim jims just seemed… there.”

“You didn’t really transform the slim jims,” Amanda noted. “It’s like you just threw them into the jello to get them on the dish.

“I ran out of time,” Roger said and the judges nodded in response to the same excuse they’ve heard ten thousand times before.

“Chip, it’s your turn.”

The judges looked down at their plates and then back at Chip. “Chip, you didn’t do anything and there’s nothing on the plate. Is this some kind of statement?” Amanda asked.

“No,” Chip said with a shrug. “I’m just incredibly hot and didn’t want to do it. So I’m just skating by on my good looks.”

“Okay, That tracks,” Zachary said with a nod.

“Totally understandable,” Tom agreed.

“And finally we have Summer Smith,” Ted said, still checking out Chip. “What do you have for us today?

[somethingwithturquoise]

Besides feeling incredibly underwhelmed and disappointed? Come on, guys, get on her league.

It was kind of hard to argue with Chip's strategy, though.

But it was her turn, and she was proud af over this one, and soooo....

"What I've served you today is a bourbon-rehydrated Slim Jim mini-meatball wrapped with turkey bacon and a bit of arugula for a fresh element, with a some bourbon barbeque glaze, and, of course, the real star of the dish to compliment it perfectly are the blueberry balsamic gelatin pearls topping each bite."

[badassprodigy]

"Fuck yeah!" Barry shouted encouragingly.

"QUIET ON THE SET!"

"This is very good," Tom said taking a few bites. "Perfectly seasoned. Nice acid."

"I would have preferred more of a jello based dish," Amanda said politely. "But this is very well prepared and I like the gelatin pearls."

"I disagree, I think the meatball heightens the gelatin pearls, not the other way around," Geoffrey concluded.

The judges sent the chefs away so they could talk about them behind their back and Barry attempted to grab Summer by the arm, keeping her from going away with the rest of the chefs. “Nice fucking job!” Barry said cheerfully. “Those other guys should be shitting themselves right now.”

[somethingwithturquoise]

Keeping her from going away with the rest of the chefs? Or just Chip?

But Summer was very easily snagged, and she met his praise with a broad grin. "They obviously have no idea what they've gotten themselves into," she said easily with a laugh. "If they don't start bringing it, they might as well just give me the prize now."

But that would actually be kind of sad because she wanted to know what was in those other two baskets.

[badassprodigy]

... Chip might have something to do with it. A little.

"Well keep it up," Barry said with a grin. "You clearly won the first round and-"

"Chefs! Please return to the kitchen for judging results!"

Barry shrugged and because one barrier was crossed, he attempted to lean in and give Summer a quick peck on the cheek.

"You're doing great. Good luck."

“The judges have made their decision,” Ted said as he reached for the handle of the cloche. “And the person who is chopped is-”

And they cut to commercial.

And the cloche was lifted and Roger’s dish appeared underneath as all the camerapeople rushed forward to shove the camera in Roger’s face.

“Roger, you have been chopped,” Ted declared and immediately turned to look at the “Judges?”

Tom gave Roger a sympathetic look. “Honestly, Roger, your dish just kind of sucked.”

Amanda nodded in agreement. “And Chip is just way hotter than you are.”

Roger frowned, said “Thank you” and walked off delivering a monologue about how hot people suck.

All the chef’s were herded back to their stations. “Where there were four there are no three,” Ted said, instructing the people at home how subtraction works, “Chefs please open your baskets. Inside you will find the following ingredients:”

Dried spicy mango.
Sauerkraut.
Chestnuts
Flank Steak
And pineapple jello.

“You have forty minutes. Your time starts… now.”

[somethingwithturquoise]

Oh, sorry, did someone get Chopped? Summer sort of stopped paying attention for a little bit because there had been a return on her whole kiss-on-the-cheek stunt, and, yeah, okay, moving onto the next round was cool and all, but that was, like, super nice.

But okay, Summer, head back in the game and not on the cute guy who made this all happen. This one was going to be a bit trickier.

And then she had an idea that was potentially incredibly stupid, but also, like, hilarious, and, honestly, at this point, if the judges couldn't appreciate it, then that was their loss, and then maybe they could go back to exploring the next step in that whole kissing thing they'd got going there.

So getting the jello prepared, then back to rehydrating the mangos because she'd watched way too much of this show to know better than to do anything but rehydrate anything that was dried, a bunch of the mangos and sauerkraut and some of the jello into a blender with some soy and giiiiinger, and then some sugar and salt dissolved in a pan with the sauerkraut juice before adding some mangos and chestnuts, and then the real highlight...find a jar lid or something to give her a good circle in some jello...

[badassprodigy]

The round ended with Indra having worked up a sweat. And Chip did as well but he only did squats for the entire forty minutes and once again his dishes were completely empty.

“Chef Chip. I see you decided not to cook anything, again?”

“That’s right, Ted,” Chip said with a beautiful smile. “I decided to give my glutes some love.”

“Sounds great!” Ted replied cheerfully. “Chef Indra, what did you prepare for us today?”

“I just gave up and threw everything but the steak in the jello mix. Then I just plopped it out on top of the steak,” Indra said looking irritated. “This whole challenge is bull*bleep*.”

“That’s okay,” Geoffrey said pushing the plate away. “So’s the taste of your food.”

“I would have preferred to see some effort in making the steak transformed somehow into the Jello,” Amanda added.

“Plus it needed salt. And acid,” Tom contributed.

“Summer? What do you have for us today?” Ted said neatly segueing on to her.

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Besides actual effort?"

Whoops, that one actually slipped out, didn't it? OH WELL, at least she didn't have to worry about her idea being too dumb to beat these jackoffs.

Well, it was a hard sell against Chip's glutes, ngl.

But anyway...

"Flank steak with a teriyaki glaze made with the dried chili mango and sauerkraut, with the jello to give it a really nice thick viscocity, served with a mango chestnut and chopped pineapple jello chutney, and, the real coup de grace, as you can see, are the pineapple jello rings with fake grill marks to really give it that nice straight out of the mid-century kitchen flair."

All just for you, Steeeeve.

[badassprodigy]

"First of all the presentation is just stunning," Amanda said looking at the plate before diving in.

"I thought the sauerkraut would be off putting," Geoffrey said. "And it is but otherwise this dish is pretty much flawless."

"I disagree. I think the sauerkraut gives a nice acid finish which cuts the sweetness of the mango and pineaplle Jello," Tom said taking a few more bites. "Much better than Indra's dish."

“Oh *bleep* this *bleep*!” Indra declared as she took off her apron and threw it on the ground. “I’m *bleep*ing out of here!” She marched off stage and bodychecked a PA on her way out.

“Well I guess that means it’s time for the dessert round!” Ted said cheerfully. “Right after this commercial break!”


“One more thing! I have been informed by my producers that you must at least produce one dish of edible food in order to be a chopped champ. I'm sorry Chip, but you're going to have to do more than just look good. That being said... Chefs, please open you baskets. Inside you will find:”

Mascarpone cheese
Vietnamese iced coffee
Dragon fruit
Chocolate Truffles
And lemon jello.

“You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."

[somethingwithturquoise]

There was a huge breath of relief from Summer at that news, because, yeah, Summer had been putting out some good shit here, but she was definitely going to be a goner if, like, abs came into the picture or something.

Not that she could necessarily complain, but, it was the final round, she'd actually really like to win this thing if she'd managed to get this far.

So, deep breath, a moment to focus, and shuffle through the basket.

Actually, she had no idea what Chip was even capable of making at this point, since he'd literally been getting by on his good looks, so she still couldn't just wing it. And there were a lot of fucking flavors going on with this one, jesus.

You know what? She was going to her specialty with this one. This was going to call for some cake flavored vodka...

[badassprodigy]

"It all comes down to this," Ted said, building the tension, "Chef vs Chef in the dessert round. Your ingredients were Mascarpone cheese, Vietnamese iced coffee, dragon fruit chocolate truffles, And lemon jello. Chef Chip? I see you actually made something this time. What do you have for us?"

Chip unbuttoned the top button of his chef coats to give his pecs a little room as he began to tell everyone about dessert. "Using the marscapone I blended it with the coffee creating a delicious topping. Using the dragon fruit and the chocolate I created a delicious chocolate and dragonfruit jello and then topped it with the marscapone coffee mixture. Then I blended sugar with the jello mixture and bruleed it on tome of the marscapone."

"Very delicious," Amanda said. "Though the dragon fruit made the jello a little watery.

"Other than that I can't fine any fault," Tom admitted.

"I can," Geoffrey said. "I found the jello and chocolate to be a little cloying to my tastes."

Was that a bead of sweat on Chip's perfect forehead?

Ted turned to Summer."Chef Summer, what do you have for us to close off this meal?"

[somethingwithturquoise]

There wasn't a whole lot of difference to their approaches, for the most part, but, then again, there were only a few directions where the mind could possibly go with all of that, but, needless to say, even though they were technically out of the kitchen, Summer was definitely feeling the heat, and not because of that unbuttoned button, either, CHIP.

"Layered lemon and chocolate cake jello shots," she announced, with a proud little lift of her chin. "Basically two laters lemon zest and blended dragonfruit with the lemon jello and cake flavored vodka between a thinner layer of the marcapone and the coffee whipped up like a pudding. With a nice chocolate truffle dusting around the rim."

[badassprodigy]

"The layers are a nice touch," Tom said as he took and tasted the shot gingerly

"It's good but I find the cake flavored vodka to be over the top," Geoffrey said as he also gingerly sipped the shot.

Was that a music stinger someone just played.

Amanda Frietag however just slammed the shot down 'cuz she's a beast and awesome. "I disagree," Amanda said. "I think the lemon and the dragon fruit cut through that. Maybe you would notice if you didn't sip it like a wimp."

The chefs were escorted back to the supposed chamber where they couldn't "hear" anything the judges were saying.

"You're good," Chip said unbuttoning another button on his chef coat. "We'll just have to see what triumphs. Hotness or cuisine."

[somethingwithturquoise]

Dammit, Chip! She was supposed to be on a date here! Sure, she'd barely spoken to said date in well over an hour of this whole process, but come on!

But she was on a date, with a pretty amazing guy who put all this together, and she'd put out an amazing performance either way, so that (and okay, okay, maybe all those undone buttons) gave her the confidence to retort, "Clearly the one with both."

Don't even try to tell her she didn't look super cute in this chef's coat.

[badassprodigy]

Well who would let that scene play out longer with that kind of snarky tagline available to close it out?

The chefs were escorted back to face the judges. Intense music was playing. The judges were stone faced, betraying nothing of their conversation.

"Two chef enters, One chef leaves... with $10,000," Ted intoned seriously. "And the Chopped Chef is-"

The Cloche was raised. Cameras went into full facial close up. And Chip bowed his head in defeat.

"Chip, I'm sorry. Judges?"

"Sorry Chip. Your dessert is fantastic and so is your physique," Amanda said sympathetically. "However as judges we had to take all three dishes into account as well as Summer's hotness. And she won."

"FUCK YEAH SHE DID!"

"QUIET ON THE SET GOD DAMN IT!"

Chip strutted out of the kitchen area, giving Summer a congratulatory hug if she allowed it. As he walked out you could hear him say. "I lost but I so hot. Yeeeeeah."

"Congratulations Summer," Ted said cheerfully. "What do you plan on doing with the money?"

[somethingwithturquoise]

It would just be rude and she'd totally come off as a pompous ass if she didn't hug her fiercest competitor back, riiiight? And it was a hug that definitely made even her wonder if Chip totally got robbed. Damn.

But then that question hit and the first thing Summer could think to say was, "Oh, shit, I still get the money, too?"

Sorry, her brain sort of defaulted into Danger Shop mode and may have forgotten that this was, like, legit reality.

[badassprodigy]

"You do," Amanda said warmly. "Especially if you pour us another one of those shots."

"I still have mind," Geoffrey said, upon which Amanda slammed it down without hesitation."

"You and Padme would get along so well," Tom chuckled.

[somethingwithturquoise]

Yeah, pretty hard not to dig that style.

"Then I guess..." said Summer, who just spent this whole time trying to think quick and was maybe starting to feel that satisfactory exhaustion that had been discussed earlier regarding this whole thing creep in, "put it towards my next business venture. I've had it suggested to me recently that maybe I should consider shifting my focus to something with pancakes."

[badassprodigy]

"Well, we look forward to your next venture," Ted said leading the judges in a round of applause as the camera's did the traditional victory close of Summer looking triumphant.

Barry was hanging back watching the whole thing with a smile and his arms crossed. "Pancakes, huh?" he said when she was finally free of the studio stuff. "Is that the breakfast food or some kind of venture for your cat?"

And he was totally not jealous of that hug you gave Chip, Summer. Nope. Not at all.

[somethingwithturquoise]

She was just trying to be a good sport!

"A little bit of both, actually," Summer grinned, tried to temper her grin, and then realized she couldn't stop smiling, and may have bounced a little in joining Barry. "Long story. And, okay, be honest, how much did it cost you to pay off the judges and those total hacks at the beginning?"

[badassprodigy]

"I paid off the contestant who you took the place of," Barry said honestly. "I did that so they had to pick up your application in a not-so-random fashion. I did make sure that the concept was Jello which took a little technical maneuvering. I also paid for Tom Collichio to make an appearance because I think he's fucking cool."

He looked her straight into her eyes. "But I swear to you I didn't pay off the judges," he promised. "That's all you. Plus the other guys fucking sucked."