badassprodigy | Voicemail

This Barry. If you're calling about that mess of a portal at the end of the hallway that looks like a glowing woman's you-know-what, I'm fucking working on it, okay? Seriously, fuck off. Otherwise leave a message.

Threaded | Flat

From:

spin_kick_snap

Roughly half an hour after Kathy left the warehouse, Barry's phone would get a text.

Rly sorry for barging in & yelling at you in front of Elsa. If I'd known she was there, I never would have. Wasn't cool of me. Sorry.

From:

sharp_as_knives

Mr. Ween,

I was wondering if I could enlist your help. We've a mutual friend I would like to encourage to make better use of electronics; I'm hoping you can develop something to help.

If you're interested, please let me know. You may visit me to discuss it over dinner, or I can come to your warehouse if you prefer. I'm prepared to pay you for your assistance in cash, food, or a favor to be named.

Thank you,

Dr. Hannibal Lecter

From:

stacyexperiment

[From here]

"I mean, that's nice and all but I'm really pretty sure we weren't going to have kids together anyway."

From:

tigerundercover

"Right. Um. Okay, I'm sorry this took a little while, but. The first thing you need to know is your father is fine. Or, um, he will be? He almost wasn't, but he is now, so don't freak out. And I'm sorry I had to impersonate your mother. Okay, I'm not sorry I did that because it worked but still, I guess it's kind of weird. Sooooooo. Call me back if you have questions? Anyway. Bye!"

From:

suitably_heroic

[[ from here ]]

"Hey! I don't have manboobs!"

In Atton's defense, the phone had woken him up.

From:

likes-ducklings.livejournal.com

[from here (http://likes-ducklings.livejournal.com/631.html?thread=95095#t95095)!]

"Um. I don't really know a lot about things to get for guys -- I'm kind of bad at that kind of stuff? But if you were looking for something dirty...I mean, you could pick him some flowers and not clean them off?"

Pause.

"...oh, duh, you meant the other kind of dirty, huh? Then I -- oh gosh, I don't know. What do boys like? Some kind of sex...clothes? I don't know!"

From:

spin_kick_snap

[From here]

By this point, Kathy had had it. "Oh, just fuck you."

From:

myownface

[From here!]

"Oh, shit. If calling people to talk about our sex lives is spring tradition, I have so been dropping the ball these past few years. Okay, so, like, sit down, because I will talk your ear off about sex if you let me. Like, ignoring that the last time I had any was... shit, it wasn't even with that Twi'Lek on Nar Shaddaa, I got shot at that time. And weird island shit, I maintain, just doesn't count. So, me and Ez--"

And then the message cut off, because these things had time limits, Spark.

From:

geniuswithasmartphone

[From here]

Finally. A message that he understood, even if he didn't understand why Sparkle was sending it. "A'ight, a'ight, hold on. First off, you really think the Mister's gonna let the angels take the time box? You out ya damn mind. But, hell, even if he did, the DeLorean ain't the only time-traveling device in play. Ignore the DeLorean. Go back to the original classic and get the original time machine."

Edited Date: 2015-04-02 02:45 am (UTC)

From:

sharp_as_knives

(From here!)

"Books are preferable to many things, but I would never suggest you take your clothing off before a polite conversation. I'm curious as to what a kitchen knife has to do with courtship, however."

From:

somethingwithturquoise

At some point after all the dates were over, Barry ~~and this dusty-ass voicemail~~ would be getting a text:

I am so sorry, but you might need to break out the hand soap. Now that it's over, I have definitely decided to leave you for some old dude with tattoos and a bard that probably has a disturbing amount of puffy pants in his closet.

And, god, she hoped he would know she was totally joking, but, clearly, this was a risk she was willing to take.

From:

bookbeltof_love

Some time way, way late at night when Nina really should've been sleeping, Barry was getting a text.

what's your stance on combining science and magic??????????????

Just, like. You know. Curious.

From:

hatesparadise

Well, that was a message that Danny hadn't needed to see.

That better be an April Fools thing, because I did not need to know what you and Hargreeves got up to IN MY HOUSE.

From:

somethingwithturquoise

Yeah, there were definitely some things that even Summer would agree necessitated a fucking phone call.

"Um, yeah, hi, what have I heard? Apparently not enough! But I'm so glad you called me, because been there, done that, and yeah, yeah, I cannot express enough how you're so right, but ohmygod, I have so many questions, I need answers, PLEASE call me back, if we wind up playing phone tag or soemthing on like this, I will DIE. Or come busting down your door. ONE OF THE TWO, and I am definitely still a little too hungover-slash-still-too-drunk for at least one of those right now."

From:

1000yearstoolate

Seivarden just texted back.

Sorry, I'm the wrong person to ask about explosions.

From:

sith_happened

"Why would 'blow something up' be a euphemism? Is this a sex toy thing? I DO NOT WISH TO KNOW IF IT IS."

From:

defenderofdesmoines

Hey, I don't think we're right for each other or anything, but I am a CATCH, thank you, only option or not!!!

Like, obviously, Annie didn't want to encourage Steve if he was hitting on her, but also, like, she had feelings!

From:

fates_jaye

"Of course you're a catch, everyone in this town is hot. You don't have to be so mad about it."

From:

atreideslioness

Did Ghanima know what today was? Absolutely.

Of COURSE she was going to participate. This was too good a chance to prank people to pass up!

I am not sure what sort of language you're referring to, I do speak over two dozen of them. Is there one in particular that offends you? It's Sumerian, isn't it? Most people do find Sumerian vexing.

From:

scoffs_at_tradition

Honestly, why wouldn't you want a droid that could transform into a holoprojector? That sounds amazing. I can build one for you if you'd like.

From:

somethingwithturquoise

At some point on Thursday afternoon, Barry would recieve a text from Summer:

Hey babe! Not even an hour in and already a change of plans. apparently grampa's trying to ghost this chick who's claiming he's her baby daddy but mom's not having it because she has abandonment issues so we're going to go talk to this lady instead. hopefully that means we'll end up skipping the whole camping thing altogether and i'll be back sooner, but i'll try to keep you updated if i can! Love you! Try not to let Pancakes push you around too much!!! ❤️❤️❤️ 😘😘😘